I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
