I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Its about making memories worth repressing
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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