i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize