Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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