I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
