it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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