You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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