I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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