Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Randomize
