Kiss
Puke
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
