i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
