Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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