I cannot find my penis.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Randomize
