the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
