Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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