All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
