Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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