you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
