yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
