Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
don't judge my taste in strippers
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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