I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
