Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
