How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
