Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
