The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I look better un-naked...
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
