I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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