i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Randomize
