So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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