I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Randomize
