i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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