you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
