now i know why i became what i already was.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
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