Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
