You really coming over, don't trick.
1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
well I can't set my house on fire every night
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
