I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
