are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
you would pick up someone in the library
she smelled like a LAN party
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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