I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I think your dad took our porno
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
