Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I have peed in a lot of sinks
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
