I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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