I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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