Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
