my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
