You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
