I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
