this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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