I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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