I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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