I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
