A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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