Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
