At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
