I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
