like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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