Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize