Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
