I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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