the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
