I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
her vagine was all disorganized.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
