It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
