I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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