Plan B is the new Plan A
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
