susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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