The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
