This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
