It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
