My friends, they love my intelligence
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
