im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Randomize