Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
