I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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