I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
