my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
