Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
