im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
