the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
