hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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