they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
