..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
you would pick up someone in the library
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Randomize
