Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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