Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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