Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
