I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
