She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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